This is the story which was written by my best friend, Yessica. She made the whole story in Indonesia and I translated it into English. It’s just a fiction and doesn’t have any association with real name, place, or story. Read it if you have time, Nice day^^
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I wait and stay.
These all are like forever. When will I be like this? Right as the people say:
Don’t love the other’s own. Someday you will regret…
Without those pills I can’t sleep well. If I don’t squeeze tight my pillow and imagine that’s him, I‘ll get terrible dream…
“What are you waiting, Santi,” said Ices, my friend, one day. “Are you crazy, that man has a wife! He even has two children! Two children, San! Two!”
“I’m crazy because I’m fallen in love,” I reply with no concern. I think, “What’s she know about love? She even never has a boyfriend!”
“Just forget about him,” said my other friend.
“Actually, what do you know? It’s easy to speak. Tongue is hard to control…” I yell in my heart.
There is also a suggestion which is ‘more definite’: “No advantage to love that man. He has been taken. You better find the young one and available like me,” Adri laugh.
And more than a thousand kinds other bla.. bla.. bla.. surrounding me like ants see sugar. Those all pass straight forward like freeway, go in from my left ear and also go out from my left ear (because there are no connection, since left ear and right ear are shut by 100 kinds bones and more than 1000 veins).
Until the last December he still called to my office. We still meet every Friday
night (because in Saturday night he’s with his wife and his twin daughters)
while he’s been very vigilant due to his effort of cover up from his friends or
companions.
“You’re egoist,” bawl my mother.
“Stubborn!” shout my father.
But what I said to that man, “If I met you nine years earlier…”
I remember our first kiss. That moment was nearly midnight; we stood in the
seashore which lies outside the city. The air was being cold while we walk
along the seashore. Sands pat my feet. At the beginning what we talked about
was business (the company which is he working for make a cooperation with my company, and we had met in one workshop in this place), then turned to weather (which is very typical in every conversation), background, and at last each of our family. Afterward he said, “You are an attractive woman. I wonder if we met nine years earlier…”
He starred at me with his clear eyes that looks like to go into my soul. We had
stopped walk for a long time to gaze each other, adore with entire soul, until I encourage myself to kiss his lip…
He didn’t refuse. He’s taller 30 centimeters than me, but I didn’t do big effort
to reach his lip. He bent to respond my kiss. A sizzling and extensive kiss. My whole energy is like soaked
“We actually met nine years ago,” said I after our kiss done. Quiet surprised, he starred at me again. How I miss those eyes for years! And see; now you’re standing in front of me. Although with a way that doesn’t much different
either from those time…
“We were in the same university. But you were in design major and I was in industry major. Our classrooms were across. Nine years ago I often saw you from the back of the window, where we located 20 meters one from other,” I explain.
He seemed to think hard, his forehead was wrinkled. Not for a long time, his face turned apparent. “Oh, geez! I remember you now! The one with glasses and pony tail hair right?” he asked. “Yes, yes, that time you were active in university. So I know you…”
I feel little uncomfortable with his way to remembered me. But he was quiet good to remember quickly. I was just given a little smile, but my smile became wider when I see his bashful face.
“If that time I knew you were a gorgeous girl, I’ll certainly date you…” he said. “I think you’re a geek who just wants to hang out with paper…”
I laughed, caught his bad sense of humor. “Yeah… who knows?” I reply. “There is no word late right?”
Every memories of him are very lovely. Began from the orientation period in the
university (he is the one of the committee member who was participated to
‘oriented’ us), then often catch him from the back of the window, I’m being
interested to him. I don’t know why… And he does always be the others own.
Perhaps the women whom he dated are also appealed by what I like from him. He is gregarious, funny, and has very much knowledge.
Now when I meet him again, he is still the same. Also being taken by another woman…
I cry every time he goes when I wake up in Saturday morning, by leaves messy bed sheet beside me and that scent… scent of that woman, his wife, who is going to sleep with him every night except Friday night.
Everything is so perfect, furthermore very hurt… Miserable as me who are sitting unease in front of the phone, don’t know when I has started to do this…
Just to hear his voice.
Just to steal the time for being with him…
Just to… just to… to what? I ask myself.
Finally that phone ringing. Finally!
“Santi?”
His treble voice heard very lovely in my ears. Soon I’m filled with a feeling which I can’t tell him straightforwardly.
“I want to meet you…”
“Me too. But not in ordinary place. In fact Lisa’s friends are there occasionally…”
There is an exhausted tone in his voice when he talks.
“Are you alright?” I ask anxiously.
“Yeah. Therefore, on 14 at 5 o’clock? I’ll pick you up,” replied him, respond with a question.
“Okay.”
“See you later, then.”
“Richard?”
“Yes?”
“I love you.”
At a few moments, there’s no answer. Then he say, with a silence sound, almost
whispered, “See you later,” and he hang up with a click sound which sound like it gonna scratch my heart.
That night I consume a half dozen of sleeping pills (in the pack written that it
won’t cause any addiction or over dosages). I think, “Is the pharmacies going
nut?!” But I am the one who make myself addicted and almost have over dosages. There is no time to think again… My sight is going to fade away and my body is going to settle down. Relax. The medicine working…
At last date 14 come, with a very slow motion. I wait 5 o’clock come like a parched rice field which is waiting the rain to come. It’s been two weeks that I don’t meet him. I wonder to myself if he is also miss me and want to see me?
Definitely, I answer the doubt of myself in my mind. His busyness bothers him a little recently. Is that true, Santi?
So I wear his favorite blouse combined with comfortable jeans. Ices was phoning me and after I’d said that I’ll meet him at 5 o’clock, Ices said directly,
“Oh… want to celebrate valentine both?! Where? Your hotel? Your apartment? Or
possibly recognize yourself to his parents as…”
The phone has banged to it place by me before Ices finished her talk. I don’t need to take notice of that sucks things! There is one thing what Ices say right:
today is Valentine Day. A day of affection.
My heart beats fast. Maybe I should give him something? Chocolate or maybe another gift? Hello Kitty-shape wall clock (actually it was my sister’s, but because she didn’t like the pink color, she gave it to me) show that’s still 3 o’clock. There’re two hours more before he come.
And after he arrive at my front door, I’m ready with a box of chocolate. It’s made by me, it’s a coincidence that I like to make them. This time those chocolate is made by me hastily (dunno if it’s lucky or not, but he’s late 30 minutes. So I can place the chocolate in order in an available box.)
“Happy valentine!” said I happily, squeezes him tight (again, his wife’s perfume scent is smelled and I want to throw up).
He rather surprised with my aperture. “I’m sorry for coming late,” said him, as a
replacement of a valentine’s greeting. “I know this isn’t a suitable way to
come to your place… Um, what’s this?”
“Chocolate. Made by me, even prepare it hastily. Hope you like it!”
He smile inflexible and say thank you. I want to ask that he eat it himself, and not share it with his children or wife. But I hold on my words, and as the alternate I say, “So, where are we gonna go?”
“Oh, once again please forgive me! We can’t go anywhere today… I’m weary, and Lisa is going with her friends too. I can’t bear a risk if we’re going caught up,” reply him. Good excuse, I think madly. Even of that I’m not disappointed. Since he already come. The important thing, he’s beside
me.
“Are you mad, Santi?” asked him.
“That’s okay. Nah, you want to have a dinner here? Don’t resist. There’s still soup and if you want I can heat soy sauce beef for you.”
“Santi…”
I can’t find out why his face look so strange and unfamiliar. I’m being
anxious. I turn my sight to the floor, see my feet as it is the most incredible
thing in the entire world.
“Or sour soup? I have the ingredients, so if you want I can cook it for you…”
“Santi, hear.”
“Ah, right. You don’t like the salty ones! Um, but sour soup is sour right, not
salty? Ha-ha…” I force to smile.
“Santi, we must talk!” His voice is increasing two octaves.
I stare at him dazedly. He doesn’t respond my gaze. “We must talk,” repeat him,
tenderer.
“I know,” I whisper. “I know.”
He glance at me. “You knew?”
I’m nodding. “You want to eat fried rice, right?!” I laugh. A sucks giggle and more like intimidating.
He looked astonished, but just for a short time. Next second his hands has clasped taut my arms, persistent me to stop laughing. He’s looking directly into my eyes. His eyes are like penetrate my whole flesh and bones. Our face just
distanced a few centimeters…
“San, this is serious! I want to talk about our relationship…”
I turn my face from his sight, finally what I’ve been afraid of is happening.
I’ve felt it in these two weeks, no, even since the beginning of our affairs.
Every night that fear emerge as my nightmare in my sleep…
“Lisa knows,” he said dreadfully.
“She knows? Your wife knows?” repeat me mystify.
“Yes, she knows, she knows our relationships! Yesterday her attorney sent divorce avowal to my desk!”
I don’t know if I must be blissful or miserable of empathy… I can’t speak, trying
to find truth in his eyes. All the emotions that I need are there: every
genuineness and certainty… and all of my love. His eyes also surrounded by sadness he couldn’t conceal.
“Richard…” I touched his face, feeling the skin beneath my hand fastened.
I was blown when he unleashed my hand. A refusal which made me wants to scream. Why are you doing this to me?! Why never been mine? Why??
“Santi, I’m so sorry… I’m confused… I…” his voice choke. The strength within him seems crumbled. Once again I touched his face, hug his open neck stiff. This time he doesn’t refuse. He cries on my neck.
“I’ve hurt you so much…” he murmured.
Indeed, you’ve killed me…
“Santi…”
“What if… we have spoken nine years earlier…” I just can say that from my mouth. Tears swap my voice. I want to cover myself in his arms, disarray his shirt, but at the same time I want to throw up to smell that woman’s perfume.
Once again all the words that I’ve heard about our relationships start to echo again in my ears. This won’t be happening as expected. Impossible.
You made a mistake…an imprudent move…impossible, impossible, impossible…Unfeasible…you’re the one who make a mistake, Santi. You’re the guilty one…
“In reality you don’t hurt me. But her…” whisper me after I started to think
clearly and obtained my ability to speak. “Your wife, Lisa, is the one who
deserve to be broken-hearted. Right, Richard…?” I want to cry. It’s that right Richard? I’m not deserved of your love. Never…
“Santi, I’m really apologizing. I’m very sorry to make you keen on this situation.”
“What that you apologize for? Everything has happened. Don’t ever regret. Beside that, I have a great time. Also… I want to apologize… because…” because I love you…
I let those words drift between us. I almost say it, but I feel my total resistance
is going to collapse if I let it happen. I turn my back on him, walk toward the
window, and it’s like the surroundings of Jakarta outside the window were more beautiful than others, I don’t turn back again.
Actually I’m very eager to say that I love him and I don’t want him to stay
away from my life. I’m keen to run and hug him tightly.
“Santi, I…”
“I know you want to go back to that woman.” I said without looking. I can’t even
if see his silhouette on the mirror where I rest. “And it’s better if you stay
beside her… If you’re going back to her now, I suppose that’s no late. You also
know, our relationships are never going to have a future.”
For a few times nobody is going to speak. I just hear his heavy breath. I look
outside the window repeatedly where the Jakarta’s glow are turned on to light the dusk of night, while I feel my life lantern turned off… I’ve killed my feeling. Force it into death like an unwanted womb. Make it depart this life when my love wants to grow perfect…
“I don’t know what I’m going to say,” said he.
“Goodbye, I think,” I said pretending to be unconcern, broken
“Thank you… for everything…” he sighs.
“I’m the one who should thank you.” I said.
When he reach door handle, I gaze him from his figure on the mirror. He turns his sight back and our sight meet up. I give a forged smile which is filled with
emptiness. He nod, perusal himself and go out through the door. That’s all.
There’s no goodbye kiss. Even no a goodbye hug.
But that’s better, I think gloomily. A
shed of tear go down my cheek. Followed by second tear, third, and so on.
The door slammed shut. Vanishing him from my sight…
Forever.
Created by: Yessica H.
Maybe marriage is not all about love, but love is the thing that binds it together. Love is not only for our GF/BF, but also for God, parents, family, friends, and every persons in the world. Nobody knows clearly what love is, it’s complicated though. But one thing came into my mind: why we must be frustrated because of love if it can bring us happiness or more that that? Broken-hearted is very normal, but we should cope with it and not being miserable by it. Come on my friends!! You all have strength and I’m sure you can do your best^^
Sama lah nasibnya kaya guru2 Mat gw haha. Abis ini gw belajar banyak2 soal sejarah deh, daripada ga tau apa2 =p Temen baek gw sendiri, yessica, suka sejarah. Tapi gw?? Well.. Emang penting sih untuk tau sejarah, terutama yg menyangkut diri kita. Coba klo ga ada kemerdekaan, belon tentu kita bs hidup ky sekarang kan?
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